Baconflagration

We burned the ham, and it was glorious. I've been holding back this post until I could get the pictures on here. Also, I have to give Krebscout some mad props for the delicious pun that is the title of this post.

Yellow was kind enough to drive Krebscout, Ahem, Hamburglar, and myself over to an undisclosed location (which I shall refrain from naming lest “the bacon” should catch wind of what we did) and we started it on fire. This is Ahem getting ready to light it.

It didn’t catch at first, but then smoke started billowing out of it and suddenly it was ablaze. Not only was it a beautiful sight, but the flames kept the cold from finishing me off. I kind of wished I’d had a marshmallow to roast or something.

Mostly I’m happy that I was finally able to burn it as I’ve been intending to do for some time now. It had been hanging around my living room with a lampshade resting on its head. A ham that liked to party is what it looked like.

The day after we burned the ham I called Uffish to confirm a time for watching Scrubs, and the subject of ham burning came up. She had missed the event, and so demanded that I make her a second ham to burn. I asked if I could make the new ham smaller than the original, as it had been quite large. She consented, we hung up, and I immediately set to work making the second ham.

I delivered it to her an hour and a half later when we all met up at Optimistic.’s. It's hand puppet sized, and perhaps my favorite feature is that there’s a set of eyes you can move into place – modeled after my own pair of eyes – blue with black glasses around them. I’m immensely proud of how it turned out. Uffish has since demanded a third ham that she can actually burn, but at this I put my foot down. If I made a ham for everyone who wanted one (which turns out is quite a few people) I'd be in my room with a hot glue gun for days. What gets me is that it doesn't even really look like a ham. When I was wearing the original costume I had people ask me what I was supposed to be.

me:I'm the ham from To Kill A Mockingbird.

them:Oh.

me: Don't I look like a ham? I'm clearly labeled as being such.

Basically I would have been screwed if I hadn't painted the word HAM on the front of it in big white letters. Also, the rest of what I wrote in this post is incredibly outdated, seeing as how it happened two and a half weeks ago, but this is what it was at the time:

I’ve spent every day of this last week hanging out with incredibly cool people. To recap - two wedding receptions, iced cream, Big Fish, a birthday party, mafia, a lot of cake, the season premiere of 24, a lot of leftover cake, scum, Roman Holiday, homemade pizza, home videos of me when I had a raspy voice and hair like Chucky, Scrubs, Gigantic; a Tale of Two Johns, Happy Pirates practice, the LDS film festival 24 hour movie marathon, The Office, Scrubs again, and then the burning of the ham.

I handed out my ham, and then we all watched Scrubs and played Apples to Apples. A little before curfew most of us decided we were hungry, so when it was time to go we went to IHOP. I had a delicious Belgian waffle and some hashed browns. Highlights included discussing the Sanhedrin shuffle, making the syrups sing the manamanah song from The Muppets, and overhearing other tables’ conversations - I heard something about “the armpit of the world” that made me laugh. I wrote phone numbers on sugar packets, which is something I always do at restaurants for fun. For some SUGAR, call (801) 812 -5755. You get the idea.