Tuesday, February 24, 2009


Here are some more pictures from my phone. These are from two Halloweens ago when I went as a side by side refrigerator. I had food and all sorts of stuff on my insides, and then on the outside I had magnets, wedding announcements, pictures, the whole she-bang. People were eating bananas and oatmeal cream pies out of me.Here I am checking the fridge. Guess which one's me. Also, check out my cord.

When I was done with my costume I did what I do every year -I took it the parking lot of the old ward and set it on fire. Unfortunately I also set the parking lot itself on fire. I don't know how or why, just that it kept smoldering. Finally I went up to #15 and asked for a pitcher of water.
That stove in the right hand side of the picture was quaking with fear. If any of your appliances give you any trouble, show them this picture and it will straighten them right out.

P.S. This costume severely limited my arm movement. All the parties I wore it to consisted of me setting food on top of my fridge close to my mouth and trying to eat without using my hands. But it was still better than the year I dressed as a ham and people fed me through my eye hole.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

One size fits all

Tiny candy bars are always labeled as "fun sized" or "bite sized". The bar of soap I opened this morning was labeled as being "bath sized". What does that even mean?

Friday, February 13, 2009

Airport Skank

I recently bought a new phone, not because I needed one, but because I've had my old phone for a number of years and someone from Sprint called me up and urged me to go in and get my free upgrade, so I did. Unfortunately, nothing form my old phone transferred over to my new phone. No contacts, no pictures, no ring tone of my sister singing Rafi's Banana Phone song. This was devastating. Upon finding out that nothing was going to switch over I mourned the loss of my data, but my pictures especially. I don't have the cables necessary to get pictures off my phone and I can't text them to my email because I don't text. It seemed my pictures from the last two years would go the way of Darling Clementine and be lost and gone forever. Long story short my sister found a way to get the pictures to me in a daring SIM card switcheroo so I've decided to post some of my more cherished pictures over the next little while.

This is the airport skank and was labeled as such in my phone. While picking up my sister's bestie from the airport last Easter I saw this girl at the baggage claim. Her "dress" was impossibly short and made of spandex. The front was covered in rhinestones. I had to wonder about this girl. Did she wake up and say "I'm flying to Salt Lake today, I wonder if I should dress like I belong in a brothel?" I think she must have. I could only get a picture of her from behind, but that's where the true beauty of this outfit comes into play. As if her outfit isn't terrible enough, if you look closely there's a brown stain on her bottom. And although you can't see them in the picture she was also wearing really high white platform strappy shoes. Let's just say that when I found out I might not get to keep my pictures I thought of this one first. What? No airport skank picture? What will I do? Also, Airport Skank, if you're reading this, I thank you for the humor you have provided and apologize for comparing you to a whore. In short, I wish you well Airport Skank.

Thursday, February 05, 2009


Today I am in the weak and smelly stage of being sick. It is tons o' fun. I went to classes yesterday for twelve hours despite being sick because Wednesdays are my big day and I had lots of stuff due. But Optimistic. has been really nice -today he scrubbed the tub and suggested I take a relaxing bath. I am sure his offer is sincere and has nothing to do with the way I smell. He also gave me my Valentine's day present early - a whole huge carton of goldfish crackers! I feel very blessed despite being filled to the brim with snot.