Daddy drinks because you cry so much

Stay up all night and sleep all day/ we were smart kids with too much to say - Burn this city - Cartel

H, M , and I stayed up until 5am talking last night. Talking about everything imaginable for five hours straight. It's something we do occasionally, but I'd never done it with both M and H, which made for a more interesting conversation. We discussed our family dynamic, and the dynamic of both our parents' families because we visited our dad's side of the family over new years. It was interesting to remember certain things and come to some conclusions about our relatives.

We talked about our mom, and how she had such an odd childhood. Her parents divorced when she was little and she was raised by her grandma and her father. I had never really considered the fact that my mom didn't have a mom growing up, but looking at that fact now, it says so much about why my mom is the way she is, and about how we were raised. It must have been extremely difficult for her to not have a mother for all of her life events - going away to college, getting married, having all of us kids. How odd all of that would be, if you had to forge your own way without an example. Most everything I do I subconsciously learned from watching my parents - you know, those things that you never think about how you learned them.

My grandma reappeared in my mom's life sometime in the early 90's - she moved from Florida out here to Oregon - she's on the tape of when H2 was born, there in the hospital holding our new sister, her granddaughter, as if that was what she'd been doing all this time. I had never realized that she probably hadn't been there for when the rest of us were born, never knew us, just wasn't apart of our lives. I'm really not very close with any of my relatives, my mom's parents in particular. I don't know that I've talked to my mom's mom in the last ten years, and my mom's dad lives in Florida. Grandpa Earl. I met him for the first time in August when we took a family trip down there. My dad's parents are the grandparents of my childhood, the ones who brought us M&M's when they came to visit. They used to live in Seaside and we'd go visit them at the beach and play on my Grandpa's construction crane that he kept in their backyard.

We also discussed personality, intelligence, school, our learning and behavioral styles, why we dislike authority figures, what we each would do in certain situations, things like that. M brought up a point that made me realize just exactly how much I'm scared of failure - if I don't think I can excel at something I won't even try it - I see that in many aspects of my life. We talked about which of us looked alike and which of us looked most like which parent, etc. The whole evening had started with us comparing our toes. All of us took off a sock and touched everyone's toes. It turns out that H2 and M have the same hands and feet. Most of the toes on my feet I can't even bend. H has hobbit feet. F's toes are longer than the rest of ours, and very bendy.

We talked about anything and everything until 5am. It was a school night, and after 5 hours H said she had to do her homework. I stayed in the family room because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep after that much talking. At 7am F was up and leaving to catch the bus. It was then that I went to bed and didn't get up until after noon. It's been a very lazy day, this penultimate day in Portland. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be more productive, because I've just now realized that I have yet to visit the Beaverton Light Shoppe in the whole time I've lived in this town.

I've written several posts recently, none of which I've published. I've pulled the following bits from those posts, because it's probably better for you to read this one long post than to have to endure several long posts. I really need to cut down.

Quote from my brother: "Just because it's leading you astray doesn't mean that it's wrong."

During Sunday dinner our dad told us, "You're all going to Hell." I don't remember why he said it, but it may have been because of a comment one of us made about crack cocaine. On a similar note, my mom buys this health juice stuff, and she was telling H and me that it does wonders for people who have bad acne, so she said that we should tell our friends about it. We joked that we wouldn't hang out with people who have bad acne, and she told us we were horrible people. So both my parents think I'm going to Hell I guess.

My sister F is one of the few people who makes me angry, and the only person that I know of who can make me cry. I don't know why this is, I just know that she does it and then doesn't believe me when I tell her that she's mean.

On Sunday I went to my old Sunday school class, which is spastic to say the least. Suzie, the teacher, brings a toaster and makes toaster strudels for everyone. The lesson never happens. Everyone talks about their weekend. It's like being in the train yard of conversations there's so much to follow - This is how the class went - ready?

"Who wants a french toast one? Well, what is it that I've got here? Cherry. Who took all the frosting? We're one short. That's okay, I ate it earlier. Hey, there's no filling in mine, what is this, tasteless?! Is their band any good? They would have sounded even been better if the mikes had been working properly. Am I on crack? Yes I am on crack. They asked us to do some show, but we only have half a song that we wrote, and we would have gotten a record deal out of it, but... Are you crazy? You guys should take that gig. Wedgie is totally in the dictionary. Well, my last strudel dripped out.What just happened?! Well, he just felt up her leg. No, I felt down her leg. Up her leg sounds bad. That's why I said it. So, Suzie, about that lesson? Will you read Malachi 3? Then the man said, "Isn't that dishonest?" "No. We could name the dish after you." and the man's name was Chimmy Chonga. What's crowd surfing? You said you liked that movie. No, I said I saw it - I wouldn't like that movie - it was retarded. The scripture is talking about Elijah. I've seen a blood red moon. My brother and I saw it when we were on a rooftop. Crowd surfing is for sickos. How can heroin make you non-feeling? Why would people take it then?"

Yeah, that was how it went. Some major points of the plot included, but are not limited to: my teacher saying she was on crack, H explaining how the brain alters after a person uses heroin, boy M feeling girl L's leg because she was wearing fishnets, K trying to read a scripture, J discussing his band's performance at the stake dance, more than several jokes being told, and a lot of toaster strudels being eaten. It was highly entertaining if not very spiritually filling.

I'll save my new year for another time, but leave you with saying that I've made a resolution to wear more eye makeup this next year. I have other, more serious goals, but when I first tried to think of something, that's what came to mind, so I figure it must be important.