Frigidaire

Here are some more pictures from my phone. These are from two Halloweens ago when I went as a side by side refrigerator. I had food and all sorts of stuff on my insides, and then on the outside I had magnets, wedding announcements, pictures, the whole she-bang. People were eating bananas and oatmeal cream pies out of me.Here I am checking the fridge. Guess which one's me. Also, check out my cord.

When I was done with my costume I did what I do every year -I took it the parking lot of the old ward and set it on fire. Unfortunately I also set the parking lot itself on fire. I don't know how or why, just that it kept smoldering. Finally I went up to #15 and asked for a pitcher of water.
That stove in the right hand side of the picture was quaking with fear. If any of your appliances give you any trouble, show them this picture and it will straighten them right out.


P.S. This costume severely limited my arm movement. All the parties I wore it to consisted of me setting food on top of my fridge close to my mouth and trying to eat without using my hands. But it was still better than the year I dressed as a ham and people fed me through my eye hole.

One size fits all

Tiny candy bars are always labeled as "fun sized" or "bite sized". The bar of soap I opened this morning was labeled as being "bath sized". What does that even mean?

Airport Skank

I recently bought a new phone, not because I needed one, but because I've had my old phone for a number of years and someone from Sprint called me up and urged me to go in and get my free upgrade, so I did. Unfortunately, nothing form my old phone transferred over to my new phone. No contacts, no pictures, no ring tone of my sister singing Rafi's Banana Phone song. This was devastating. Upon finding out that nothing was going to switch over I mourned the loss of my data, but my pictures especially. I don't have the cables necessary to get pictures off my phone and I can't text them to my email because I don't text. It seemed my pictures from the last two years would go the way of Darling Clementine and be lost and gone forever. Long story short my sister found a way to get the pictures to me in a daring SIM card switcheroo so I've decided to post some of my more cherished pictures over the next little while.

This is the airport skank and was labeled as such in my phone. While picking up my sister's bestie from the airport last Easter I saw this girl at the baggage claim. Her "dress" was impossibly short and made of spandex. The front was covered in rhinestones. I had to wonder about this girl. Did she wake up and say "I'm flying to Salt Lake today, I wonder if I should dress like I belong in a brothel?" I think she must have. I could only get a picture of her from behind, but that's where the true beauty of this outfit comes into play. As if her outfit isn't terrible enough, if you look closely there's a brown stain on her bottom. And although you can't see them in the picture she was also wearing really high white platform strappy shoes. Let's just say that when I found out I might not get to keep my pictures I thought of this one first. What? No airport skank picture? What will I do? Also, Airport Skank, if you're reading this, I thank you for the humor you have provided and apologize for comparing you to a whore. In short, I wish you well Airport Skank.

Homesville

Today I am in the weak and smelly stage of being sick. It is tons o' fun. I went to classes yesterday for twelve hours despite being sick because Wednesdays are my big day and I had lots of stuff due. But Optimistic. has been really nice -today he scrubbed the tub and suggested I take a relaxing bath. I am sure his offer is sincere and has nothing to do with the way I smell. He also gave me my Valentine's day present early - a whole huge carton of goldfish crackers! I feel very blessed despite being filled to the brim with snot.

Weak sauce

I was doing the dishes today (because the situation in our kitchen was getting a bit dire) and I cut my finger in two places. The weird thing is that it wasn't on a knife or any other utensil. It wasn't even on a broken dish. It was on food. I want you all to picture the least dangerous food you can think of. What cut me? Spaghetti sauce.That's right, spaghetti sauce. I tried to open an empty jar of spaghetti sauce so I could rinse it out and the sauce around the mouth of the jar had hardened to form jagged razor-sharp crusts, two of which cut me when I tried to open the jar. I have learned my lesson and will never do the dishes again. Or I suppose the other take away message might be to not leave old jars by the sink for weeks on end.

I hardly knew ye

First things first -Optimistic.'s beard is coming in nicely and no longer looks as though he simply hasn't shaved in a bit. I took a picture of just his beard but it looked silly without the rest of his face in it so I took a second one without telling him that his face would be seen.

Second things second -Yesterday was the two year mark for the floss being tied around my pinky and I decided to take it off. Most of the time I didn't even notice it was there, but I felt it wouldn't be wise to leave it on any longer. I am very well aware that no one cares about the floss in the slightest, but I captured the whole process and will post the pictures here.
Notice if you can that when the floss is moved away from my finger there's a red line running around it where the floss is.

This is when it had actually been cut.

Me pretending to be sad. Notice the lip.

In this one you can see the dent it left in my finger. I think it will fade over time and won't be permanent, but if it is I will have a great lie to tell when playing two truths and a lie about how it got chopped off in a freak accident and had to be reattached.

the waiting, it kills me

I couldn't sleep all of Christmas eve night. I woke up at 11:25 and never truly got back to sleep. The excitement of waiting for Christmas can do terrible things to you.

Starfing storkings

Yesterday we were supposed to take M-Lite to the airport around noon except her flight got delayed so we pushed back leaving until 2:00. It ended up being delayed 9 hours so we found ourselves with more and more time to do stuff throughout the day. One such thing was going to Target to buy stocking stuffers. My stocking is at home and Optimistic. doesn't have a stocking that specifically belongs to him, so we bought stockings as well as the stuffings. After we'd made all our purchases and were in the car we had a conversation that went something like this -

me: Wait, did you pick out a stocking for me or for you?

him: For you

me: Oh, I also picked out a stocking for me -I thought we were picking out our own stockings but getting the stuff for each other's. And there weren't any with (insert my first initial here)'s on them

him: Yes there were

me: Well you must have gotten the last one before I got there. There were plenty of (insert his first initial here)'s but I thought I was getting a stocking for me so I got an E

him: Why an E?

me: They were out of my letter and I liked the way the E looked.

So I'm going to use the E and Optimistic. will use the one he bought for me, and neither of us will have a stocking with our real initial on it. Years later this will make for a great Christmas tradition where no one in our family will have a stocking that corresponds to their name.

I wish I'd never been born

Our flight home for Christmas got canceled yesterday and I was more or less devastated. Yesterday was just awful, well, the first half at least. It was snowing and we had errands to run before our evening flight that we still thought we'd be taking. I had to go to the DMV to get a new license so I could have some ID with my real name on it before trying to get through security at the airport. Getting to the DMV was awful -it was snowing, State street was a block of ice, and on the way over we bumped into somebody's back bumper because our car just kept on sliding. Luckily there was no damage and the guy was really nice.

So I went and took my written test, but the driving and the testing took long enough that I was going to be late for my doctor's appointment (nothing serious) so I had to call and reschedule, which if you change your appointment without giving an hour's notice they will charge you for the missed appointment. I explained that I was in Orem, that the roads were ice, and that we had actually hit someone already today, and the girl on the phone was nice and said I probably wouldn't be charged because of how terrible it was outside.

So we got to the health center and as I waited to be called in, Optimistic., who had been on the phone, told me that our flight had officially been canceled, that nothing was going in or out of Portland, and that we'd essentially be missing Christmas with our families this year. So I sat and tried not to cry thinking about everything I was going to miss out on as the health center played Christmas music at me -songs like "I'll be home for Christmas" (I won't) and "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas" (I'm not). Driving home I just cried and cried and cried some more when we got home and poured myself some cereal and tried to eat it without choking because it's hard to eat while you're crying.

Optimistic. was much more, well, optimistic about the whole thing and got on the phone and worked on rescheduling our flight. The news is, we're not going home until Saturday the 27th and I think that really bites for a lot of reasons. I'm very much into tradition and have a lot of specific Christmas traditions. Christmas eve I'm supposed to watch It's A Wonderful Life with my family and open the gift from my sibling. Christmas morning I'm supposed to wake up at 5:57, gather up Rough Draft and Huff Draft and do our own little tradition of eating toast and watching Wallace and Gromit until the rest of the family gets up two hours later. And I'm not going to get to do any of those things.

After we'd rescheduled everything Optimistic. decided that we needed to drown our sorrows at Brick Oven, which we did after picking up Uffish and M-Lite to go along with us. We ate and had fun, went to M-Lite's and watched Waking Ned Devine, then tromped our way back home through the snow which was surprisingly fun. So to make a very long story shorter, it could have been much worse -the guy whose car we hit could have been angry, but he wasn't. The girl I talked to about switching appointments didn't have to be understanding, but she was. And as I write this I'm remembering that I have left over pizza in the fridge that I can eat right now. All in all it's been humbling to see the things I value about Christmas taken away, to see it stripped down to nothing but a day and to remember what that day is for.

WAHOO!

I GOT ACCEPTED TO MY MAJOR!!!!!1!!! As you can see I'm being very dignified about it.


P.S. I don't think the people who accepted me have any idea that I can barely use a computer, but that's for me to know and hide from them forever
P.P.S. My major is Media Arts Studies (i.e. film and that sort of jazz)

Crap chutes and Ladders (patent pending)

Highlight from today: A lady in our ward said "crap chute" over the pulpit. That was pretty awesome. Also, today I returned to a favorite pastime of anagraming the hymn titles. If you're ever bored in sacrament meeting I highly recommend giving it a try. The last isn't a real anagram because it's missing a U, but I'm okay with that.

With Wondering Awe= We own a weird thing
O Come All Ye Faithful=Call me Al if you hef to
and
We'll Sing All Hail to Jesus' Name=Snail Mangles Seal With Jello

We'll see

I had my interview for my major today, and it went something like this-
I picked out my outfit last night, deciding to go with my cute black dress, sweater, and fun green shoes that Haley gave me. They have to let me in if I have cute shoes. This morning I walked up to campus in regular clothes, arrived at the HFAC, changed into my cute clothes and joined the line of people also waiting to be interviewed. Everyone was remarkably nervous and conversational, myself included. When the girl next to me said she thought she was going to wet herself she was so nervous I advised her to run away, much like Scar in Lion King. It's a very competitive major to get into. But she knew I was joking. One guy said he felt a little overdressed, but the girl next to him assured him that he looked good and said she liked his shoes. He in turn complimented her shoes and the conversation turned to the hypothetical "maybe we can win them over if we have nice shoes." Nobody commented on my amazing shoes, because they were obviously intimidated by them. I mean, they're fabulous shoes. They have to let me in with shoes like these.

The main cause for worry was that the interview is only 3 minutes long. Three minutes to make the best impression you'll ever need to make because this interview decides your future. I tried to do some reading while I waited, but it was impossible. People kept on turning the corner and coming down the hall where the interview room was, and we all had to look every time someone came along, because it might mean that they were coming for one of us. I eventually got called and when I stepped into the room I was kind of shocked to find that there were roughly a dozen people in there. A whole huge future-deciding committee. And the guy who did the ushering in and out got my last name wrong -somehow the first letter got changed to a P, but one of the ladies knew it was a typo.

Despite the fact that the interview was only 3 minutes long I managed to touch on a multitude of topics -I told them I was sock-puller # 2 in our family's static cling commercial, what I was doing when Princess Diana died, and about the time I cleaned puke out of a piano in the back room of BYUSA. All totally relevant to the topic at hand. I think it went well enough -they asked me questions like "was there a sock-puller #1?" and "how did you get the puke out of the piano?". I had them riveted I say, riveted! Or at least I mildly entertained them. Maybe I shouldn't have revealed how I got the puke out -it would have left them wanting more.

she's a lawn sweeper, 80's beeper, finder's keeper don't you mess around with her

Waiting at the bus stop one morning I saw a woman across the street sweeping her walk in her dressing gown, except after she'd swept the walk she proceeded to sweep the lawn as well. And then she kept bending over and picking stuff up off her lawn -presumably leaves. Why would anyone be up at 6:55 to sweep their lawn?

I saw her again last week, only this time it was lighter out and I saw that while she did indeed sweep her walk, behind her garage and out of sight she switched to a rake instead of a broom to tidy her lawn. So much for my sweeping theory. Her yard is meticulous, but I cannot understand why she does it. There's a distinct line where her yard ends and her neighbor's begins; her neighbor's yard is covered with leaves and there's a tree above it full of even more leaves waiting to fall. The crazy-early-leaf-picker-upper-woman's tree has no leaves on it. Did she get tired of waiting for the leaves to fall and use moon boots to strip them off the top of her tree?

I also looked down at the ditch next to where I wait for the bus and thought I saw a human finger, fairly pale but with a bloody stump and ridges where knuckles would be. Closer inspection revealed that it was a carrot.

Ghost painter

I did little to no work today. Instead I painted ghosts to hang up in my cubicle. That and I discovered that there is a band called Pianosaurus after the toy we once had.

Going for that sexy bee-stung lips look that only celebrities can pull off

As I was crossing the street on my way home from work today something flew through the air and hit me in the face before continuing on its way. I whipped my head around to see a bee flying off. A large bee. I got hit in the face by a bee. Except it hit me on my lips. I was kissed by a bee.* A non-committal love her and leave her jerk of a bee. I hope Optimistic. is wild with envy.



*It meant nothing to me, I swear. And it was all rather innocent -I had my lips closed. But I can't speak for the bee.

Come on down!

I had my follow-up appointment at the health center, so now it's time to play Catch That Disease! Spin the wheel for us, why don'tcha Johnny? Look at it go, and it looks like it's landing on........................fibromyalgia! Congratulations Johnny, you're our big winner today -tell him what he's won Rod!

"You'll be experiencing widespread aches and pains as never before with a disease so vague there's no known cure or cause! Non-degenerative and non-fatal, you're in for a real treat -it only manifests itself in 2% of the US population! But that's not all -you've also won yourself a bottle of amitriptyline! I'd ask you if you want to bid or pass, but you don't really have a choice!"


Also, I really like the idea of a game show where the contestants are doctors and they bring in a patient and whoever diagnoses them right makes it to the showdown round where they perform surgery blindfolded or something like that. It'd be like "What's my Line" or if you prefer, "What's my Crime" from 101 Dalmatians.

Stand in the place where you live

Update on me, because that's why you read this thing.

I am back in school, and I'm taking almost exclusively GEs which will undoubtedly make for a very tedious semester. I'm still at my job that I had over the summer. I decided to stay and work on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I don't have classes. This also means that I am now a commuter, because Maranda took her car when she rolled back into town, so now I ride the bus to Orem with the best of them. It gives me time to do all the reading for my reading intensive GEs though, so that's a plus.

I had a root canal this morning, and once I go back next week to have the build-up done for a crown, I will be out of money from the insurance company until next year, so crowns and root canal #2 are on hold until January. Maybe I shouldn't have had tried to do 7 years worth of dental work all at once, but my dentist assured me it was urgent. For now I can't eat anything sticky or hard. My dentist advised that I chew on the other side of my mouth while I have my temporary filling in, but I pointed out that I've got a root canal started on that other side as well. I guess it's pudding and juice for awhile.

M-Lite decided that we should start water coloring, so once a week we (her and me and M-High and Krebscout) are going to paint. We went and bought supplies last night with a lot of advice from Krebscout. I think it will be fun, and I'm not shooting for much more than that. Cardboard is my preferred medium -I've never been much of a painter.

I went to the doctor last week because I have some back and knee pain, and I feel pretty arthritic for someone who's only twenty-one. Result: I had my blood taken for the first time ever so they can check me for rare auto-immune diseases and scare the crap out of me. It wasn't so bad at the time, but the crook of my arm turned into one gigantic bruise that hasn't gone away. In fact, up until yesterday it was getting bigger and yellower. The upshot is that now I'll probably find out what blood type I am. I'm hoping for O+, but I'll probably be A+ like all my sisters.

I bought my BYU football shirt today, in preparation for the game against UCLA tomorrow. Go cougars! Now I have to go to class, and then after class today I have to do laundry, clean the living room, go to a BBQ at M-Lite's, go to our stake BBQ, and possibly go to Humor U. Alas, my work is never done.

For a good time call

Saturday night 11:03

We'd just gotten back from a friend's house after a triple date with tacos, the Olympics, and bocce ball, when my phone rang. No one would call me that late unless they knew I was up, so I assumed it was the friend whose house we'd just left calling to say I'd forgotten an onion or something. It was not. Instead it was a guy out with a group of friends at Denny's. This is how the conversation went -

-Hello?
-Hi, I'm calling for Genuine...
-That's me
-Hi, my name is Joseph, and I'm at a Denny's and I found this sugar packet that says "For a good time, call Genuine" so we thought we'd call in search of a good time. What are you up to?
-I'm just getting ready for bed, but you're in for a good time if you're at Denny's. What did you order-the grand slam I hope
-We actually haven't ordered yet, but I'll keep that in mind

The conversation went on and I asked what they were doing eating so late and was informed that they were a group of actors who had just finished a performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Sundance resort, and they were out for a bite to eat to celebrate.

-Oh, who do you play?
-Tom snout, the tinker who plays the wall in the smaller play. Here, I'm handing you off to one of my friends...

-Hello?
-Hello, who's this?
-I'm Wes
-Wes? The only other Wes I've ever met was a dentist
-Yeah, it's kind of a rare name -I like it
- I have a rare name too, and I like it
-Yeah -Genuine- I'd never heard that name before
-Neither had I until I had it. Wes, who do you play?
-I'm Nick Bottom
-Oh that's nice
-Hey I have a question -why did you write your name and"For a good time call" on a sugar packet?
-Ah, well, I didn't write my name on a sugar packet. It's something my husband and I do when we're at restaurants, writing our friends' numbers on sugar packets, so I suspect that someone I know has done the same thing to me. A friend of mine actually got a call off of one once.

Wes then handed me over to a third cast member who Wes said plays a fairy. Guy number three corrected him and said that he was not a fairy, he was an immortal person. Way to be politically correct guy number three. In the end, I was handed back to "Joey" who encouraged me to come see the show, and assured me that they had indeed had a "good time" talking to me as advertised by my sugar packet.

I'm tempted to go see their show now. If you're at all interested you should call the number below -it's sure to be a good time.

Cheesesteaks, get your cheesesteaks!

Finding out that our office in Philly South is burning to the ground right now=slightly more interesting day at the office.

This is the house that boredom built

Question: Did I just make a little house out of paper clips and tape because there was nothing to do at work?
Answer: Yes, yes I did
Question: Did I then proceed to cover the roof of my tiny paper clip house with even tinier shingles made out of sticky notes?
Answer: No comment