Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Saturday night 11:03
We'd just gotten back from a friend's house after a triple date with tacos, the Olympics, and bocce ball, when my phone rang. No one would call me that late unless they knew I was up, so I assumed it was the friend whose house we'd just left calling to say I'd forgotten an onion or something. It was not. Instead it was a guy out with a group of friends at Denny's. This is how the conversation went -
-Hi, I'm calling for Genuine...
-Hi, my name is Joseph, and I'm at a Denny's and I found this sugar packet that says "For a good time, call Genuine" so we thought we'd call in search of a good time. What are you up to?
-I'm just getting ready for bed, but you're in for a good time if you're at Denny's. What did you order-the grand slam I hope
-We actually haven't ordered yet, but I'll keep that in mind
The conversation went on and I asked what they were doing eating so late and was informed that they were a group of actors who had just finished a performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Sundance resort, and they were out for a bite to eat to celebrate.
-Oh, who do you play?
-Tom snout, the tinker who plays the wall in the smaller play. Here, I'm handing you off to one of my friends...
-Hello, who's this?
-Wes? The only other Wes I've ever met was a dentist
-Yeah, it's kind of a rare name -I like it
- I have a rare name too, and I like it
-Yeah -Genuine- I'd never heard that name before
-Neither had I until I had it. Wes, who do you play?
-I'm Nick Bottom
-Oh that's nice
-Hey I have a question -why did you write your name and"For a good time call" on a sugar packet?
-Ah, well, I didn't write my name on a sugar packet. It's something my husband and I do when we're at restaurants, writing our friends' numbers on sugar packets, so I suspect that someone I know has done the same thing to me. A friend of mine actually got a call off of one once.
Wes then handed me over to a third cast member who Wes said plays a fairy. Guy number three corrected him and said that he was not a fairy, he was an immortal person. Way to be politically correct guy number three. In the end, I was handed back to "Joey" who encouraged me to come see the show, and assured me that they had indeed had a "good time" talking to me as advertised by my sugar packet.
I'm tempted to go see their show now. If you're at all interested you should call the number below -it's sure to be a good time.
Posted by Genuine Draft at 9:41 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Question: Did I just make a little house out of paper clips and tape because there was nothing to do at work?
Answer: Yes, yes I did
Question: Did I then proceed to cover the roof of my tiny paper clip house with even tinier shingles made out of sticky notes?
Answer: No comment
Posted by Genuine Draft at 3:35 PM
Monday, August 11, 2008
Sitting in a Wendy's for lunch there was a group of four guys sitting across the way. One of them turned to the guy sitting diagonal from him and asked, "Do I love you, or am I settling?"There was a lot of context, but without the context it makes that sentence the funniest thing I've heard this week.
Context: There was a song by Jewel playing on the radio and one of them asked what it was about. One guy said it was about commuting (which means this guy was a complete moron). Another guy said he was wrong, and that the song was about settling, about standing still in a relationship, which prompted him to say,"Do I love you, or am I settling?"
Posted by Genuine Draft at 11:39 AM
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Brief update -I can't feel my face right now. I just got back from the dentist's office, where they gave me lots of shots and started two root canals. The problem with me and going to the dentist is that I have no problem going to the dentist. I always end up laughing when I'm in the chair because my brain is always churning out random images, making the situation extremely comical.
For instance, when you get a root canal they take a series of what I suppose are files, and they gouge out the inside of your tooth with them. The files get bigger and bigger. They did this to me not moments ago, and then they packed my teeth full of some cotton type stuff and sealed them up. Except when they were packing in the cotton type stuff, I had the thought: What if they were packing my teeth with explosives? Can't you picture that? Exploding teeth? It made me want to laugh like crazy, except I couldn't because, fact: There were a couple of hands in my mouth. There was also a lot of spit, so when I tried to suppress my laughter it made a loud stranglingly gargled noise. They assumed I was choking because of the amount of spit they'd let accrue in the back of my throat, which they promptly apologized for and then remedied the situation by using the sucker thingus to remove it all.
Except the spit wasn't the reason for the gargle, and I still had to laugh because I suddenly wondered what would happen if I were to bite down on my dentist's hand. Then I realized I couldn't even if I wanted to because they were using one of those rubber tooth pillows to keep my jaw open. Fact: tooth pillows are nowhere near as luxurious and comfortable as regular sleeping type pillows. I tried to think about non-hilarious things, like puppies dying, but it turns out I am some kind of sicko or something because that did nothing. So I tried to think about tooth decay and the fact that my teeth are unhealthy, and that finally did the trick.
The best part of all of this is that Optimistic. bought me pudding and now we get to go out for my traditional after dentist hamburger.
Posted by Genuine Draft at 4:29 PM